so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
