You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
