im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
