we have pet lesbian snakes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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