I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
