i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
