Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
