I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
