ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
