This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
