Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
