i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
