he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
