You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
