He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
