In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My feet surprised me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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