I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
