Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
