party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
