you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
