Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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