I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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