South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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