Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
