So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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