Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
