You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
