you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
