Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
