Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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