I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
