i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize