Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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