And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
