ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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