we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
