either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
