I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
