I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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