weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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