Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
