Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
