Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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