Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
