South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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