you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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