dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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