Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
