Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
