You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
