I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I party with great urgency now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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