his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
