we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
