You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
