That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
