If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
