Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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