is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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