Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
