New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
