We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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