this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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