Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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