I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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