well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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