Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
