I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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