I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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