What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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