I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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